I thought I would be fully prepared to give some all-knowing love advice, in the spirit of gold ole Saint Valentine’s Day. But if I were to be perfectly honest, I don’t know the slightest thing about love. I only know the “what not to do or you will get terribly hurt” tips. I guess I can share a bit with all of you lovely ladies out there.
1. Don’t be yourself. When you start showing your inner weirdness you seem…weird. Boys like to be able predict an outcome without any effort involved into getting to know you.
2. Don’t ever show you care. They will use that against you to get what they want.
3. Don’t show your feelings. Those things are a nuisance.
4. Don’t go out of your way for them. It’s giving them a reason to expect you to go out of your way.
5. Don’t share any personal information. They don’t want to know.
6. Don’t expect anything out of them. You will be thoroughly disappointed and awkward conflicts arise.
7. Don’t ask for a future with them. If they didn’t ask you for one, it means they don’t want one.
8. Don’t look anything less than a Victoria’s Secret model. Men are purely visual and criticize anything less than perfection.
9. Don’t date because you want to form some meaningful connection. Date for some easy sex.
10. Don’t text the guy faster than he texts you. And don’t even think about texting first. You’ll seem over eager and easy.
11. Don’t fall in love.
Scratch that…. these are all rules if you are wasting your time on the wrong guy. There are fish-a-plenty out there. There are men who would willingly treat you like a lady. And even if it takes you forever to find him, you’ll still be okay. I’m sure there is something about you that’s pretty/amusing/funny/smart/absolutely stunning. You most definitely deserve someone who can make you happy. That’s about it…. Don’t mind me. Gonna go finish that Domino’s pizza I ordered.