“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm”
Over time, slowly but surely, I have come to realize how true and real these words are. If I have learned anything from struggling through a breakup in high school, cancer in my family, moving away from home all on my own, family troubles, and the random tidbits life threw at me just like it throws at everyone else…it’s that everything amazing I have gotten out of my experiences was when I made the choice to carry enthusiasm with me, especially in my failures. It was when I made the choice to be the best I could possibly be; to be a better person than the day before. It was when I made the choice things would get better whenever I felt my world was crashing. It was when I made the choice to forgive for the sake of peace in my life. And it was definitely when I made the choice to love who I am, even if I am far from perfect. Circumstances do have an impact on you, but you yourself impacts whether a circumstance will build you or break you.
I have lost track of how many times since my last post that I wished I was at this as often as I used to be. Then I realized, “Ca-rap! I haven’t made any time for myself”. And listed all the things holding me back from this precious blog.
1. Work. Girl needs to pay her bills so she can live comfortably and get by on nice things.
2. School. Full time student with full-time stress of homework, tests, sitting in class, and organizing all that crapola.
3. Relationships. Significant other and best friends keep my weekends and what free time I have left crammed.
4. My lovely-lonely-long bucket list that needs to be pampered up…and it’s going to take time.
5. Mood. All this stuff loaded in my life has left me crabby, tired, and unmotivated.
6. Sleep. Just need it.
7. Down time. The little time I have to myself…honestly, I kind of just want to curl up in a tight little ball and be left alone.
Yet again, I am making another promise to myself to pay more attention to my wants, needs, hopes and dreams, and this cute little blog of mine. It’s all I have left on these lonely days! D:
I haven’t quite been up to my usual shenanigans as of late…I hope, with this New Year to bring back the things that bring me passion. I am hoping to keep with blogging. I miss reading all of how other people find passion in their normal routines in their lives. I am hoping to keep with the crossing off my too-long bucket list. I hope to, along with other hopeless Americans, start living a bit more healthy. For lovely instance…doing yoga/light exercise/at least stretching every day at least once. Eating better, of course! Less processed foods, more greens, and cutting my caffeine down quite a bit (more difficult than it sounds). And there is always flossing and taking vitamins. As with other hopeless Americans, I will be trying to get better with my finances…I should probably start a budget, or something?.. I just kind of want to become a better person, with this whole new year and all. I want to be proud of who I am. I want passion in my life. I want to be wholesome, if that makes any sense. I guess there is quite a lot of work to do this 2015. Wish me lots of luck, all 🙂 Hope you all also find what you are looking for.
I know it’s been quite some time, lovely folks….I’ve been quite caught up in making it through that I simply got behind on everything.
The truth is…. I’m scared. About everything. Growing up is hard! Someone very smart once told me that the sad part of life isn’t about finding something that will make you ecstatic/happy/excited/some elated emotion… life is about finding out how to simply manage. And it’s true. 😦
What has always kept me going when the going went tough, was telling myself that someday everything would be perfect. Everything would turn out better in the end. One day I would be happier than I could ever imagine.
When reality hits, it tells me there will always be something to drag me down. This is when I get completely terrified of my life. I forget that my life has gotten better, but for some reason… it feels much much worse. It is as if all the times I have kept it all together (emotionally/physically/mentally/whatnot), suddenly and simultaneously crashed down on me. During those times, for some reason or another, it is as if that particular moment is the most absolute worst moment in history of my life. I (being me, of course) wish to trade for a moment when I was “happy”. I forget that I felt the exact same way. Maybe to a different degree, but always the same.
There is always SOMETHING to bring you down. But also always SOMETHING to bring you back up. Sometimes, for whatever reason, the things that would usually bring you right back up lose potency, probably from how powerful that DOWN thingy is on you.
That’s depression for you. It plays tricks on you. It tells you you will never be happy. Life will always be hard. Everything is going downhill. Everyone gets the “tricks” to making it in life, except for you. And worst of all… Happiness isn’t real. That up thing is clouded by every moment you felt crappy. And boy, those crappy feelings do damage those special moments that really make all that hard stuff worth it. Kind of a weird cycle.
To be quite frank, I have gotten so tired of that way of thinking that I simply say to myself, “whatya gonna do. That’s depression for you”. I force myself to enjoy the dumb stuff, even if I don’t want to. Eventually, all those downs don’t quite control my life like they usually would.
The weirdest thing is, when I do let myself laugh and dream and love and want and hate and cry (even if it doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to do at the time) I actually feel quite normal.